Story by Emily Tang, Features Writer

It’s an open secret that Yale-NUS has plenty of secret societies – clandestine invitation-only social groups for those deemed cool enough, rumoured to meet on rooftops under cover of darkness. But did you know about this secret society?

“I felt that the idea of secret societies was too exclusive,” said Ernest Li, ‘19, “so I thought I would start one that anyone could join – Lubricated Loins.”

“Surprisingly, it’s incredibly easy for any student group to apply for funding from the school. I’ve now booked the Cendana rooftop for Tuesday, and anyone can sign up to receive a secret invitation via text message.”

When approached, members of existing secret societies expressed annoyance. One student, who declined to be named, stated: “The whole point of secret societies is to be free from the arbitrary rules and norms of student life. Why hang out with your friends in the dining hall during the day where everyone can see you? That’s too basic. Even though we don’t really let anyone into our social circle anyway, it’s just more fun to call it a society and meet at night.”

So far, it is understood that the response to the new secret society has been poor, as fourteen other school-approved clubs and societies have scheduled meetings at Tuesday midnight. The meetings, some of them up to three hours long, are held by activities ranging from extreme ironing to tchoukball.

This article originally appeared in the April Fools Edition of The Octant and is intended for satirical purposes.

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